It could be worse....?

I have struggled for a loooooong time with self worth. I have struggled with self identity, self hate, and suicidal thoughts. And the truth is....I still do. I still look at myself and wish that it wasn't me looking back. I still have times when I wonder what it would be like to be that thinner more attractive version of myself that I have never seen. But the thing that pulls me back from the edge, the thing that makes me keep going, that thing is the thing that I never knew what I wanted. I never wanted to get married and I was told long ago that I probably wouldn't be able to have children. I was fine with that. Until I wasn't. People say that if you live a healthy life style, eat GMO free, vegetarian/vegan diets free from harsh growth hormones that your body will be better. I was a vegetarian through ALL of the important puberty years and it changes nothing. It didn't matter what I ate or didn't eat, I would still have a reproductive system that feels like it has been through a blender. So much damage and so much pain, physically and emotionally, because I am not able to do what I should be able to do; have a child of my own. I know that I have a great life, a wonderful husband and step daughter that is like my own but I can't help but feel like I am missing that one  part. I do not get to be mom, I do not get a mother's day. I know that this is suppose to be about getting healthy and being the best you that you can be. But being the best version of yourself also includes that emotional and psychological side. I struggle daily with this. I have seen it so prevalent lately. So many other women in the same situation that I am in, struggling so hard to understand why I can't have a child and why these other women who do not need children just keep popping them out. It is hard to look at women like that and not think about how unfair it is. I just keep pushing through. I have done everything the doctors have told me to do and nothing has changes. Now here I am, over 30 and still struggling with this issue.  People keep telling me "it will happen when it's meant to happen" and it makes me angry to hear that! I am so tired of having to hold back how I feel about this issue. It hurts, it is exhausting, and I hate every minute of it. But what more can I do??? I guess, just keep pushing, just keep being the best me that I can be, but right now, I am just too tired to try and inspire anyone.